Tuesday, June 17, 2014

It's Time for me to Stop Being Vague

I realize I've been pretty vague about a lot of things on the blog lately. I've been so busy, but wouldn't say why. I was traveling a lot, but wouldn't say why. More specifically, I went to Seattle but wouldn't say why.

Well guess what. Today's your lucky day. (And my most dreaded.) I'm going to tell you the Reader's Digest version of the whole story.

Back in April (I think it was April), Erich was contacted through LinkedIn for a job out in Seattle. When he brought it up he didn't really want to go through the interview process, but I kind of pushed him into it. So basically I'm a horrible person, but we'll get to that later. It was just such a good opportunity and I knew he had to go for it. Plus, I think secretly neither one of us thought he'd get as far as he did. So, so wrong.

Sure enough, he made it through two phone interviews and then they decided to fly him out to the city for an in-person interview. I, of course, tagged along. It obviously started getting really serious, so I started looking for jobs out there just in case. (Side note: None of those companies have gotten back to me.)

Let me just speed things up a bit. He got the job.

Why I'm a horrible person: I pushed him into the interview, got him super excited about the opportunity, and now I'm the one who doesn't want to move. I know. You don't even have to say it. Although, I'd like to point out that I'm really 50/50. Moving is hard, especially when you've lived in one place forever. A move across the country is a big thing. Also, I don't handle change very well. (Understatement.) On top of everything, we're getting married in April. In Maryland. Moving in the middle of wedding planning is straight-up insane.

I'd also like to point out that when we went to Seattle, we weren't crazy about it. Honestly, I actually kind of hate it. Oh well. I know I'd deal with it and this wouldn't be a permanent move.

Our decision (his decision) has to be made today. It's been a week of crying, sleepless nights, support, and complete indecision. I haven't had a single moment of clarity and I really am just torn about the whole thing. I know I'd get over it if we go. Everything I have is where we currently live and I'd be giving up a lot to move, but I pushed him into it and I just feel so incredibly selfish for being the one to back out now. He wants to go, but has been so supportive of what it means for me to leave. He keeps telling me I mean more to him than a job, which is so sweet (I found a good one, huh?). Unfortunately his words don't make me feel better. I feel like we need to go. I just can't bring myself to actually decide that.

I know it seems like this post is mostly just me saying I don't want to go, but it's so hard to find the words to express how I really feel. Torn, unsure, happy, scared to death, ready for an adventure, not ready to say goodbye...

I'm not writing this to get pity. I just wanted to share what's been going on in my personal life that's been keeping me from being totally open. And it's a pretty big deal! I couldn't be more proud of my fiance. Truly.

If you've ever moved across the country, or faced a decision like this one, I'd love to hear your stories. And any advice you can give would be SO appreciated.


Martha said...

That is so cool!
Personally, I would totally go for it! You don't get many chances for a whole new start, Seattle is amazing, and (not to sound cliche) but YOLO.

I've moved from Ohio to North Carolina, and then from NC to SC. It was a little scary, packing up and moving...but I don't regret it at all. One thing I wish I'd known was to change my address as soon as possible...it seems employers like local much better.
Good luck!

Jessica K said...

What a tough decision. I hope whatever decision is made -- things work out!

gayle @ grace for gayle said...

so?!?! what did you decide?!?! I think you should go! it's scary but it will change the whole trajectory of your life in ways you probably couldn't imagine!! if you pray, you should pray about it, God never steers people wrong. :)

gayle @ grace for gayle said...

PS, I totally do the same thing regarding big decisions. I completely psych myself out. sometimes I just have to go through the motions and DO IT and my brain catches up later.

gayle @ grace for gayle said...

PPS, maybe **I** should move there, too, so we can be known in our circle of friends as The Gayles. that NEEDS to happen.

Tami said...

So are you going? A move across the country can be so exciting! And keep in mind, you can always, always move again of you hate it. I'm 26 and have moved to different states for work 3 times already. Think of it as an adventure, a new chapter in your life. Nothing is permanent! :)